Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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