so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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