I hate your face
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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