You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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