2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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