paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
