Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
