Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
