I'm jealous of your bromance
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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