Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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