Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
