I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
