It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
