The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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