I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
