She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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