I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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