I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
