im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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