So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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