I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
