You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
