Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
