Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this hospital has no fireball
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
