dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
