Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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