Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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