Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
