to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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