hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
