Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
