so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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