So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
