she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
