i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
