i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
