i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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