Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
