oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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