from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
