He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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