Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
