lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
