hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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