I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
