hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
