She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
