its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
