I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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