did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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