An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
