girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
