alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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